In July 2012, I started serving as the chairperson of a committee for a non-profit that our family is involved in. Every month, I'm responsible for sending out action items to my committee members and then, on a weekly basis, confirming that they've completed their tasks. It's not a big job and only takes up about two hours a week on average. The amount of energy required to get me up and going, though, is astonishing and embarrassing. One day, while taking a second shower to avoid dealing with my responsibilities, it hit me: I really don't want to do this.
I've known for a while that I didn't enjoy my work, but I always had an excuse: I need to do this for my kids. I knew what I was getting myself into. It's just what the job requires. I signed up for this. Et cetera.
The truth is, it's not necessary for my kids. I didn't actually know what I was getting myself into. The job might require this, but why? And I didn't sign up for it—someone volunteered me, and I didn't have the strength to say no.
For months, I've been resisting dealing with my responsibilities. I've avoided my email inbox for days, I've turned off my phone, I've even taken second showers to buy myself some time before physically forcing myself to sit down and assign tasks. For months, I've been berating myself for being such a slacker, for missing deadlines, for waiting until the last minute and asking myself why it's so easy for some people, even those with way more responsibility on their plates, and why it's so hard for me.
The resistance that I feel isn't due to lack of ability, time, energy, money, or any other excuse that I can possibly create. It's due to the fact that I truly don't belong in this position, or, frankly, within this organization. I tried to force it for various reasons, but in the end, it's not for me.
They say that resistance is futile, but it's not. Resistance can be a clear indication that you are on the wrong path. It's up to you to wake up and listen to yourself, to find that part of your life that's causing so much strife and guilt, and to remove it as quickly as possible. If you've made a commitment, see it through, but get out when you can; I am.
Are you experiencing resistance in your life? What needs to be removed in order for your life to flow again?
This post was modified on May 29, 2015.